"SIT LIKE A LADY"
NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “MATTER”. EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.
THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.
TIME DOES NOT EXIST.
Photos like this remind me of
When someone expects me to blindly stride into a childish trap and, electrocute myself.
electric toothbrushes are okay i guess, but i like to stick with my acoustic
There are no such things as acoustic toothbrushes. I think this is really offensive to gay people. Nevertheless, God bless us all.
you have never truly lived on the edge until you’ve continued blogging after your laptop has given you the 5% remaining warning and it could cut out at any moment
its going hardcore tonight
the reason this generation is failing is because we’re not motivated enough to make money. all the people on the dollar bills are dead. they’re not relevant and teens just can’t connect. we need money with memes and beyonce on it
When your online friend wakes up
*wakes up at 9* nice
*immediately falls asleep, wakes up at noon* less nice
Comment on the size of a man’s penis and it’s a low blow and a stab at his masculinity. Comment on the size of a woman’s anything and it’s a social norm.
imagine an alternate timeline where guns were never invented and swords just kept getting cooler
Who did this shit?
finding out that americans dont have kettles really fucked me up
literally?? everyone here has a kettle ??
ppl are always harping on the ignorant american stereotype and we got all these europeans who dont know what the fuck a cafeteria is and think we have no idea what a kettle is smh
when my mum scolds me
ALL I WANNA DO IS [GUN SHOT NOISE] [GUN SHOT NOISE] [GUN SHOT NOISE] AND A [GUN COCK NOISE] MAYBE YOU’RE MY LOVE.
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now